Daily Zey

Every beginning starts with a first trembling attempt. That first step into the unknown.

For some people, the thought of trying something new is frightening, simply because the possibility of failure is painfully apparent. Someone new? Your heart might be broken in the end. A new hobby, maybe skiing? It could be your leg or an arm, or maybe both. The endless dreadful scenarios run barefoot in their minds, gaining momentum as they give in to the fear.

For some others, it is just… exciting. They tend to see it on the bright side. Oh, someone new? Could be the love of my life this time. A new hobby? Maybe I realize I am a prodigy or get famous or both. I think only a well protected and naive heart can keep up with this positive rose-colored glasses on and life eventually finds a way to splash some reality on those glasses, forcing one to take them off.

Between these polars, there is a range of mixed minds, trying to figure out life as they go. Trying to learn how to protect oneself and be brave enough to try at the same time, or how to know for how long to hold on and when to let go. It used to be about balance for so long. In every area of life “balance” was described almost like an art. It would be “work-life balance” at work, then “give-take” in relationships. Questions were asked whether to live life while listening to your heart or brain and people answered, both. Because you are human.

But what if because we are human, a possibility of balance is out of the picture. What would you feel if you were free of the constant pressure of figuring it out? Who would you be?

What if you could be scared out of your mind, but still keep on trying. If you tried at all, wouldn’t it be unfair to judge yourself just because you had doubts? When I say trying, I mean at any sense you can think of. Trying to love, trying to achieve, explore whatever it is your heart craves. How would it sound, if all these polars were combined into one messy pile of human experience and we would be just humans experiencing life as it comes, free from formats or roadmaps or sides of it all.

Maybe then, trembling would slow down a bit. The attempt would be just that, an attempt regardless of the fear, judgement or hysteria snatched onto it. That step into the unknown would be just another step like thousands other. It would be only you, walking around life like a kid with a flashlight. Exploring only for the sake of exploration. Then anything good that comes to your way, would be the happy outcomes of your adventure. The bad? They would re-direct you into places you can grow or rest, depending on how you want it to be.

I guess at the end of the day it comes down to what you view your life to be. For me, it used to be about playing it safe for so long. World and the people in it used to be scary and I was more than fine being content in my little bubble of safety, consisting with a small social circle, places and hobbies I’ve known for all my life. However, at the same time I felt a pull towards what could have been, if I just dared. Dared to dream, to try, to write. Even if no one reads it, even if no one likes it. What if I just do it, only because it fuels my soul. What if I ignore the fear, the cringe and the comfort just to feel the sense of flow state when I start writing again?

Once I decided, my first thoughts were, well, about what? It has been so long since I wrote anything other than my journal and random essays, where do I even start? Then I remembered this cute coding example – apparently when you start coding they teach you how to code “Hello world” because it is simple – and cute, and positive. I wanted to start the same. Mainly because starting writing after contemplating about it all your life – I wish I was joking but quite literally I wanted to be a writer even before I learned how to write- feels quite similar to get into coding. I have no idea where this road will take me or how to do anything in website at all.

But as I said, what if I take that first step into the unknown? All the polars included. The trembling, the questioning, and the fear with a spice of excitement and hope – like a karmic cocktail waiting to be devoured.

So here we are. Welcome to my website.

“Hello world.”

Zeynep U.